Mesotablar (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mesotablar) wrote2020-04-20 11:42 am
mesotablar) wrote2020-04-20 11:42 am
Gender and Pronouns: Unsolved
I watched a complaint recently of a trans person feeling singled out by the best intended social inclusion practice of a group of women going around the circle identifying their preferred pronouns. Everyone in that scenario used She/Her but would they have bothered doing that declaration if they didn't have a trans woman there? If they looked around and just assumed everyone was cis, as they are probably used to doing when they aren't confronted with someone who is very open about being in the gender section of LGBT+, would they have done it?
Asking or declaring pronouns is fairly common on the internet where people are anonymous behind animal pictures and assumed names. It is good practice not to assume gender on the internet because on a long post you might misgender someone multiple times and they would be unable to correct you as it happens, but only after the fact.
Is there a way to establish pronouns without singling someone out?
I was thinking you could ask "whether anyone uses pronouns other than what they could be assumed to use according to the way they have visually presented themselves that day" It would have worked for the situation detailed above but it is problematic for other situations. It relies on traditional ideas of what men and women wear, and not fitting those boxes might be assumed to be one of the identities that uses 'they' when in fact you might prefer 'zer'. Not to mention all the other issues that might arise with non-transitioning trans people and the variety of clothing choices and styles across microcultures and traditional cultures and gendered mannerisms and secondary sexual features (or lack there of).
I don't know the answer. I am only a spectator for these gender discussions because I am cis. I don't know all the ways you might be hurt but I understand good intentions does not protect you from hurting others.
Would the best path be, for now at least, to use people's names as pronouns until they feel comfortable to come out to me as to what their pronouns are? no singling out, no assuming people are something or different, and I do it to everyone whether they obviously present within the understood visual criteria of a gender or not.
Asking or declaring pronouns is fairly common on the internet where people are anonymous behind animal pictures and assumed names. It is good practice not to assume gender on the internet because on a long post you might misgender someone multiple times and they would be unable to correct you as it happens, but only after the fact.
Is there a way to establish pronouns without singling someone out?
I was thinking you could ask "whether anyone uses pronouns other than what they could be assumed to use according to the way they have visually presented themselves that day" It would have worked for the situation detailed above but it is problematic for other situations. It relies on traditional ideas of what men and women wear, and not fitting those boxes might be assumed to be one of the identities that uses 'they' when in fact you might prefer 'zer'. Not to mention all the other issues that might arise with non-transitioning trans people and the variety of clothing choices and styles across microcultures and traditional cultures and gendered mannerisms and secondary sexual features (or lack there of).
I don't know the answer. I am only a spectator for these gender discussions because I am cis. I don't know all the ways you might be hurt but I understand good intentions does not protect you from hurting others.
Would the best path be, for now at least, to use people's names as pronouns until they feel comfortable to come out to me as to what their pronouns are? no singling out, no assuming people are something or different, and I do it to everyone whether they obviously present within the understood visual criteria of a gender or not.