Doctors

[mesotablar]

Don't worry, this post is not about actually about my (or anyone elses') health but rather my thoughts on my preferences in a doctor.


I know there are lists out there by the dozen about what people want in a perfect life partner or friend but I've never seen a list about what someone wants in a perfect doctor. Maybe it is just not something other people think about? or if they do think about it they won't admit it. Well I am going to be entirely honest. Maybe doing so will get you thinking about it.....

The Bad
I have had doctors who couldn't accept that I was uninterested in sex. One even assumed I was a lesbian when I said that accidental pregnancy was totally not a possibility. Also I don't need a referral to a therapist for my aromantisicm, thank you very much.  
I have had doctors who are known facilitators. They cave to patients asking for pain pills or antibiotics.......actually that wasn't so bad. Because of that doctor I know my blood type (for free), because the normal ways of finding out (donating blood and becoming pregnant) are no-go zones for me.
I guess bedside manner is important? But really, doctors in hospitals barely spend time with patients. It is the nurses who have more specific responsibilities to specific patients, while doctors may be over seeing 30-100 or more patients in a shift. I don't really care about bedside manner as long as they aren't too much of a dick.....though there is a certain new doctor I can't stand. Doctor/Bodybuilder is a bad combination 'cause you can feel his eyes sizing up your muscle to bone ratio and then being smug because he is fitter.  
I don't want doctors like these.

The Good
My childhood doctor was great with kids and was South African. Now I have a weird ummm....higher-level-basic-trust towards doctors with South African accents. But those are a bit thin on the ground where I live, so I have to make do with Australian or Australian-adjacent accents.
Recently I was observed in a regular check-up by two young doctors. One was friendly and chatty and took the initiative to try doing a hand exam (even though he did it wrong) the other one was quiet and willing to sit back and observe the exam. The quiet one dissected my chatter looking for pathology, asking pointed questions randomly.
A doctor friend has told me lots of the horrible things that went on in medical school. The vicious competitiveness, the general lack of respect, assumed consent, the selfishness in group drinking binges, the pressure to conform. So I looked at these two young men. A personable chum willing to have a go, and a people watcher who would rather not do than fail. All in all, I would prefer the quiet one. I'll always take the rabidly competitive one who fears failure because I find they are easier to push.

The List

• South African
• Rabid perfectionist/overachiever
• Not A-phobic
• Not a bodybuilder
• Not someone I went to highschool with because you know who you are and I just could not deal (especially the someone who played in orchestra like you were blissful living that far up the teacher's ass)
• Not the kids of either of my neighbours because I have serious doubt about your sense of self-preservation and/or your assumed rights with other people. 

So in summary, my list is more of a list of 'don'ts' rather than 'dos'. Sadly the two that make my perfect doctor so hard to find is the accent (though I shouldn't have a problem if I move to South Africa!) and the A-phobia....I'd guess about 1/3 of all my doctors have been blatantly A-phobic, generally in regards to my greysexuality but sometimes against my aromantisicm. 

Comments

[fred_mouse]

I like a doctor who is willing to accept that I have a weirdly detailed knowledge of some parts of medicine, and nothing elsewhere. because I've spent over a decade of my life working in niche medical research fields, and read somewhat widely when things catch my interest.

Also one who accepts at face value 'I have no knowledge of my family medical history above those meagre details already on file' and doesn't ask anything about how that came to happen.

Oh, also also, one who doesn't write me off even though I'm not good at communicating and I hate talking about me. Particularly because I have to go to the doctor at least three times a year, and I hate going extra, so I have to be stressed about it to do so.

[mesotablar]

oh medical history is such a pain. I don't even know my own medical history, let alone family history!
Last time a new doctor asked me what my specific diagnosis was I literally did finger guns and said 'the doctors didn't really work it out, so my diagnosis is whatever the medical jargon for that is'.

[fred_mouse]

Oh, yeah, 'specific diagnosis'. 'Ongoing pain and fatigue' lazily diagnosed by one doctor first as anaemia, and then as 'chronic fatigue'.