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Steady as a rock in an earthquake
Apr. 1st, 2022 06:19 pmThis is my entry for March Carnival of Aros which was hosted by Roboticanary on the topic "Stability". I chose to talk about myself using the prompt about Self Stability.
Steady as a rock in an earthquake
I doubted I would be able to write for this topic. What I knew as 'stability' has disappeared recently and I can’t say I grieve the change.
Before my life’s stability was in my sense of self and identity. I knew myself and that was enough to give me a bedrock while I scrambled through a string of short term jobs. I was not financially stable. Not even close. And interpersonally I was a bit of a mess after the death of some family, but nothing works through grief like slowly making the clearing of their house a burden. I took strength from my communities, the aromantic ones amongst them, places and things that I felt reflected a facet of the truest form of me.
My job was the first change. I am excelling in my full-time employment and I truly feel financially stable for the first time in years. I learned many skills for saving money in my bad times so now I am accumulating much faster than I spend, and it really feels good. However, my personal identity took the balancing hit and was undermined. I am now in a relationship, and for all intents and purposes it is romantic. It is possible my attraction is alterous, or platonic/sexual or some other obscure term, but I decided not to pick at it. I don’t feel it needs a term, or to be explained, it just is what it is and it makes me happy. I’m not sure if I can call myself aromantic anymore, which feels like a loss, but I like to think of the annoyed words of a post on Arocalypse from years ago when a member was sick of labels being prioritised over experiences. Basically they said, it doesn’t really matter what you call yourself, what is important is the way you move through your life. And I am definitely still doing the queer boogie through my life.
