I thought it was a good idea at the time...

I have been watching and listening to quite a bit of true crime shows and podcasts recently.  Mostly just because it is there and other people seem to be consuming it too which means more articles pointing me at it and it is higher on entertainment rating lists. One common theme that pops up fairly frequently at least in serial killers and cult leaders is repressed sexuality. Why repressed? well parents and society was and is super harsh on stuff they don't like. It just so happens that homophobic male-fixated male serial killers get shows made about them. Lots of shows. 

Repressing things does warp you inside. I thought I was broken for over a decade because I negatively reacted to dates and I didn't actively seek them out. I am SURE that being aromantic but not knowing what aromantic is did contribute to low self esteem and my sense of belonging and community. If I lived in a more dictatorial society (Aka my family 90 years ago) I would have been married off at 19, and even as a theoretical I have no idea how I would have survived....though at least I can take comfort in the fact that with my health I wouldn't have lived to 16. How warped is that? I find it comforting that theoretical me would never have been married. But to know of Aromanticism and be told it is bad and wrong?

I wonder how many people broke under the strain of internalised hate, of feeling isolated, of feeling wrong.
I wonder how many people would make different choices if they knew about Aromanticism and Asexuality.
I wonder how many domestic violence victims and survivors are aromantic or asexual. 
I wonder how many domestic violence perpetrators are aromantic or asexual. 
I wonder how many pick-up artists are aromantic or asexual. 
I wonder how many incels are aromantic or asexual.

We learn from our experiences. That learning influences how we approach concepts and situations in the future. 
We can all agree on that, yes?

 Well the thing I most find repugnant about the Asexual community is their cake. I don't like cake. I hated when people offered me cake pictures as a welcome on AVEN. 
 For some reason the Aromantic community have latched onto ice-cream as their motif. I don't like ice-cream. However the people on Arocalypse have the restraint to just stick to offering a small emoticon image of ice-cream in the aro flag colours.

Even though I dislike them both it doesn't stop me welcoming people with an ice-cream shaped pixel lump on Arocalypse. It has become my reflex reply to introduction posts, a welcome and an ice-cream.  

I am trying to be a better person. Trying to drop my biases and preconceived notions. 
I'm going to stop supporting the association of cake/asexual and ice-cream/aro. I won't begrudge others who continue to use it but for me it is a no. 

I have found in the MOGAI depths of the internet orientations that take their name and basic description from foods. I just have noped out of it as being a step too far, and apparently I am the only one. If someone relates their being to a finished food product (and I'm not talking about the ingredients list words like 'pumpkin' or 'sugar', which are pet names rather than orientations) I see that as being linked to wanting to be a product. I don't see Icecreamgender or Sodagender as innocent things. My perception of them is too tied to dark places like cannibalism, self-harm and abuses.  

I dislike that they are given MOGAI space as I can't take them seriously and ultimately think they are harmful. When people adopt the names of things to identify themselves, be it food or furniture, then I think you are a person willing to be treated as food or furniture. Orientations are to help communicate how you live or how you experience life, I don't think we should make light of that.